Trinity - Butts Across America Smile

Trinity Tri Hawks
September 22, 2012
Blake 3 Trinity 0

Mako's photography

Brief Overview: Today we headed out to who the heck knows where to play a little soccer (if you know what I mean) ;). The weather was chilly and the wind was a pain but the sun was shining so we endured. But now on to what you really care about, what anybody really cares about in life, the quality of the bench. 

Color: The bench was your standard silver metal, nothing too impressive. However, there were some major flaws that the bench had on the left side that brought its rating way down. 

As you can see, there is a weird red stain that takes over a good eighth of the bench. Some members of our team described the color as "what happens when you get a bloody nose in the middle of the night and the blood completely dries up and then when you wake up in the morning you have dry blood all over your face." Well, I concur. First impression of the bench, not very good. This category gets a 4 out 10.

 

Comfort: I would explain what our reaction was to the bench but you should be able to tell from the picture above seeing as a picture is worth 1000 words. Well, if your an idiot then you wouldn't be able to tell that we LOVED THIS BENCH!!!!!  You were able to let your back sink into the back support and let it absorb all of your worries. It was a little small for my 6"3' stature, but nothing too unbearable. The metal wasn't cold so nobodies balls were in harm of shrinkage. Overall great on the comfort level. 9 out of 10 

Playing Time: I didn't get any playing time this game, which was "most dope"seeing as I was loving the bench. However, one of the bench squad (Christo) got in and scored two dirty goals. For this reason Playing Time gets a 10 out of 10.

Friends Made: We made a friend this game in the form of the opposing team's mascot. We aren't sure if he was a kangaroo or some kind of polar bear. The one misfortune was that we didn't get his name so we can't friend him on Facebook. If anyone knows who he is, please let us know. 8 out of 10 in this category.

Overall: This Bench receives a final score of 9 out of 10. (The highest overall all grade yet)

Until Next Time,
NMM

Brooklyn Center - A Somewhat Happy Butt

Brooklyn Center Centaurs
September 20, 2012
Final Score: Blake 5 BC 1

Color: I've never been a big fan of long bus rides, so when I learned we would be driving all the way to Brooklyn Center I was a little upset. However, my heart beat in anticipation of making my first ever critique. The first thing I noticed about the bench was its color. Some might describe it as kind of a poop brown, but I would consider it more of a "pumpkin spice latte" color. Since it was such a chilly day, if I could have drank the color of the bench, I most definitely would have. Out of a possible 10 points, I give it an 8.5.

Comfort: The thing that I liked most about this bench was that unlike the usual metal bench we see in this day and age, the BC bench was made out of a soft plastic and had holes that I could stick my fingers through when I got bored. This feature was "most dope" and created a lasting impression with me. The bench had a back on it which we always love to see, and as a plus the back of the bench was raised up to accommodate my 6"1' stature. As far as comfort goes, the bench gets 9 out 10.

Scenery: I must admit, the view from the bench was sub-par. The field was in decent condition, but there wasn't anything pretty to look at whilst on the bench. The street that lay just beyond the field was a constant source of distraction. Because of these reasons, the scenery receives a 5 out of 10.

Play Time: In this game my nickname changed for a brief period of time from "No Minutes Mako" to "11 Minutes Mako" seeing as I got to play the last 11 minutes of the game. This was a good experience  even though it pained me to leave the bench. Because the only goal was scored while I was on the field, my playtime ratting decreased significantly. We end up with a 4 out 10 in this category.

Overall: Not the worst, not the best. A pretty good time for my first review. This Bench (all categories together) receives a final score of 7 out of 10.

Until next game
- NMM